Monday, May 31, 2010

Red Headed Step Child

I'm hurting at the moment. The fact that I'm sharing it with anyone is a big step for me because I don't like telling people when I'm hurting. But right now in this very moment I am.

I think my brother may be in town from California. And how did I discover this? My oldest brother made a Facebook post. "My brother can party." Maybe he's hearing a story from Kory, but it's far more likely they are together.

I'm never told when he is coming out here. I rarely see him when he does come out here. I'm twenty-seven years old and I still just want my brothers to love..hell, I want them to like me. But maybe it's time to accept that they don't and never will.

I know we come from a blended family. I know that we don't share any blood, but I've never seen them as anything but my brothers. It really sucks knowing that they don't feel the same way. All I ever wanted when I was little was a family and then I was handed one. My dad came along with this huge family filled with people and handed it to me. I thought it was the answer to all my prayers.

But I don't talk to most of them. I sincerely doubt they talk to me or think about me. I'm just the outsider that's smiled at and said hello to when I show up for family events. No one calls me. No one invites me directly to any function. And no matter how many times I tell myself I don't care...

I do. I really, really care.

I'm supposed to be a grown up. I'm supposed to be okay with things like this. But I'm not. I can handle my extended family not caring about me much.. but knowing that my big brothers forget about me and don't really care?

That's not something I'll ever be okay with.


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