Tuesday, May 4, 2010

It's time to set things straight.

It occurred to me last night after receiving some very surprising news that I no longer have a safe place to vent. That realization was confirmed this morning and I find myself wondering why we aren't allowed to air our own frustrations these days. Have you ever sat down to write something and worried about that one person who wasn't going to agree with you? Does it ever feel like speaking your mind isn't worth the judgment you're going to get from others? Why is that? Why am I censoring myself to please others?

I started a journal (way back in 2001 on LiveJournal) to create a place to record my thoughts and feelings. I wanted a place safe when I could write about whatever I wanted and whatever I felt. It was meant to be a place to write my happy moments as well as my angry thoughts. But now that I've come over to Blogger I find myself picking and choosing what I write. It's no longer an outlet for my own thoughts, but a way to impress others with my writing.

Yeah. Sorry, but that's not who I am and that stops right now.

Sometimes I think the world is stupid. I think people are stupid and I think my life sucks. And on those days I'm going to write about my frustration and anger and that's okay. It's more than okay. Because once I write about it all and get it out I feel better. And, yes, this blog is all about me. I don't want to feel judged because I've had a rough few days. And I don't want to present my life as this sunny place filled with joy because that isn't real.

For the love of Oz, talk about the hard times. Share those with the world because if you don't allow people to see the bad they are never going to know you or understand you. I know I'm not an overly negative person. I laugh with my friends. I joke. Hell, I'm always joking with my friends. So if someone comes along and sees that I wrote about how much I dislike the train or my job or a certain person in my life and labels me as an unhappy person.. well good for them. I'm not here to please people.

I'm just here to be me.

5 comments:

Shellistheng said...

I wasn't judging you. Id never, ever want you to feel that I'm not a safe place to vent the happy, sad, and surprising things in your life. It breaks my heart that I led you to believe that.

Nichole said...

It's hard sometimes to say what we want in a public place, like blogs or forums. Everyone wants acceptance. It's a normal thing.

However, if people are going to freak over something you write, or go crazy on you because they don't agree, take it in stride or even as a compliment. Your writing is affecting them in some way, and that's a powerful thing.

Happy Fat Girl said...

Amen!

Part of me hates that my blog has to keep my acutall identity a secret (stupid job!), but part of me loves it becuase I'm less afraid to say things. I did manage to anger a few people with a couple of posts, but when they said something, I had no response except, "I'm sorry, but I'm simply exressing what I fee."

The strange thing is, I've never gottn called out on the controversial things I've said-- which is what I would have expected.

Don't filter-- you can't predict what people will be bothered by and you shouldn't stop yourself from writing becuase of other people.

(OK- maybe some people should filter, like racists and neo-nazies and that type of people...but not you and not regular people.. :-) )

Rhi said...

I'm behind on my blog commenting. However! I hear you on this. I came to Blogspot to talk about whatever. Important topics, tasteless jokes. I can't change who I am. I'm forever a zebra, and I'll never have spots. I'm okay with that and you should be okay with who you are too. I think that you're very clever and the reason I started watching you on Twitter was because of Sue. She and I both laugh at your satire and your way of wording things. You have a way with words, even in the 140 format.

And then you started writing with us. It's been really fun to watch our friendship progress. I can't say that I know you perfectly well, but I do know that every single person in the world has the right to be frustrated. There is no perfect happiness. There are only small breaks in the river to step on when you cross it - and let's face it, sometimes you get a shoe full of shitty water and have to say "DAMMIT!"

So say dammit, dude. I'll hear you.

Erin said...

I know this feeling. Oh, DO I EVER.

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