Saturday, April 17, 2010

Imagine me and you, I do.

Five years ago, I became a wife. Ish. Legality aside, I've been married since April 16, 2005.

I've struggled with being a wife. I will be the first person to tell you that marriage is not easy. Marriage is work and if you're not dedicated to your spouse and your commitment, it's going to fail miserably. Because it's not just about being in love and making a life together. No. It is so much much more than that.

When you're married to someone you have to share yourself. And that right there is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Those of you who really know me know that I'm not big on sharing. I like my emotions locked up, not discussed and ignored. Feelings aren't something I'm good at discussing. I can handle anger. I can do laughter. But vulnerability and sorrow and that stuff? No thanks, let's move on, etc etc. But I expect other people to be completely open and honest with me. Yes I am aware of the hypocrisy. Very aware of it.

Luckily for me, I have a husband who embraces my flaws. He laughs when I insist I hate being affectionate and then ask him why he isn't cuddling me on the sofa. He just shakes his head when I tell him I'm not upset about something only to lock myself in my bedroom and sulk. For all of my faults (and there are a LOT) he accepts and loves me. For that I'm truly lucky.

I know our life isn't always going to be perfect. And even though I tend to measure my life against other peoples', I know that we're on our own path and one day we'll reach all the places we want to see. But for now, I'm going to be happy with having a husband who cooks better than I do. I'm going to love that my husband is the size of a freaking tree. I'm going to laugh when he falls asleep during every single movie we attempt to watch together. And I'm going to thank God every day for giving me such a kind, gentle and loving giant of a man.

Did I mention he cleans? Really, it's the main reason I keep him around. The rest is just gravy.


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