Tuesday, February 23, 2010


My dear, dear friend Myriam told me this weekend that I was addicted to change. For some reason, that stuck with me. I thought about it and then this morning I had a bit of an epiphany. I do constantly change my hair color, length and have a bad habit of wanting different clothes and accessories as much as possible. I do want to change my outward appearance all of the time. But that's only because my life hasn't changed much in a very long time.

I have been working at the same job for five years. I don't enjoy what I do. I have no passion for it. And, really, who would? I answer phones for a living. Even if you enjoy spending all your time on the phone, you would grow to hate this job. Instead of living out my own dreams, I watch people live their success. And then get their coffee.

It didn't start out this way and I doubt very many people set out to work a dead end job. But there are bills to be paid and dreams and desires are often put on hold to keep a roof over your head. All of the things I want to change seem so unattainable. I find myself doubting I will ever get to have a career. I can't imagine myself traveling and doing all of the things I know I want to do. Each time I take a step towards making changes in my life, something seems to come up. Anymore I'm not sure if life really is out to get me or I can't distinguish my excuses from the slight God clearly has against me. (I suspect it's the former, because I don't actually think God has a slight against me. Dramatics simply make better blogging.)

And once again I will try to change my life to make myself happier. Maybe it will all work this time. Or maybe the sky will fall and I will find myself behind this desk, answering this phone and plotting out my next hair color to feel as though I have some control over my life.


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