Thursday, June 16, 2011

healing a cynic

I'm what you would call a cynic. I generally don't believe that good things are coming or that life is peachy and lovely. I'm a firm believer in things sucking. There's a slight glimmer of hope in my reserved for very few things in this world. I hope to see the Cubs win a World Series before I die and I hope that one day my husband's eyesight comes back in his left eye. That's about it. I don't really believe in hope and I have a lot of trouble with faith as well.

Maybe if I sat down with someone and discussed all of this we'd discover the source of all my problems. But I tried therapy once and I thought it was dumb. Because I don't like talking about my emotions either. Luckily I have friends. These friends have enough love, hope and faith to make up for my doubts and cynicism. Not only do they make up for it, but they actually find ways to give me hope. They make me believe that there might be some good and love left in the world.

I think I've changed a lot over the past year or so. I'm not as angry as I use to be. Nine.. okay Seven days out of ten I can say I'm happy with my life. And there are times when I look around and I'm amazed at how lovely and bright my life has become. There have been so many good people who've come into my life in the last year. People who inspire me with their love, people who make me laugh and people who love me. I didn't know it until something came in the mail yesterday.

I love my friends. The one who sent this, the others who have told me how much they wish they could help me. The ones who have listened to me cry and rant about the struggles we're going through right now. Some of you have prayed and some of you have paid for a lunch when we've spent time together. All of it. There is no little and big. Every single thing my friends have done to help me means the world to me.

What you've all done is something I didn't think possible. You've made me a believer in hope, love, possibility and faith. All of that blackened stone around my heart is being chipped away rapidly. There's no chance I'm going to go out tomorrow and sing about how much Jesus loves me... Oh wait. Yes I am, but that's only because I'm going to VBS again. Still. You've all had a profound impact on my life and I love you. All of you. Thank you.


Julie said...


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