Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Surviving Unemployment

Being unemployed sucks. I'm one of those people who like working. I enjoy having something to think about during the day. Sitting at home with the tv is dull. Honestly being unemployed is more stressful than working in a law firm and if you've ever worked in a law firm you know how hectic and stressful that is. Today I found out that after two long months of waiting for my unemployment pay to come through I have to wait an additional two weeks before I'll see any money.



So how am I surviving this? It hasn't been easy and aside from a few breakdowns (like crying on the phone with the supervisor at the unemployment office this morning) I've managed to stay happy and not do bodily harm to others. A monumental feat. Are you wondering how I pulled it off? I'll tell you.

1) Get creative. You can make a lot of meals with beans rather than meat and frozen veggies are cheap. Rice is awesome and if you mix it all together it turns out to be a meal. Spices are the cure to any cheap meal. I've made some many "skillets" while we've been poor. Also chicken legs are love. They are less than two bucks a pack and you feel like it's a real meal when you can't afford chicken breasts.

2) Wine. A glass a day keeps the murderous rage away. Feeling extra stabby? Have two glasses. And if you catch wine on sale then stock up so you're always prepared. Being unemployed suck and drinking makes things suck less. The plus side is you don't have a job anymore so you don't have to worry about going into the office hungover.

3) The Library. Free books, free movies and free music? Plus they have air conditioning for the days it's super hot outside and you don't want to pay a fortune to cool your house. Did I mention how entertaining libraries can be just for the people watching? I adore my public library system and it's gotten me through a lot of stress. (Especially when certain Librarians run awesome twitter accounts and encourage/support their patrons. Love them.)

4) Doctor Who. Shut up. If you watch Doctor Who you can't be in a bad mood. It's a fact. The Doctor always comes through in the end and the world makes sense again. And you'll giggle like a little kid because he is just so fantastic.

5) Cleaning. No, really. Do you know how much time it takes to clean? Lots. And then when it's all said and done and things are pretty you feel better. Normally I wouldn't recommend cleaning to anyone under any circumstance, but in this one (and only one) instance, it works. You'll burn off your frustration and stress and the end result will make you feel loads better.

6) Swearing. I do it daily. I'll go so far as to say that people who swear are happier than people who don't because swearing relieves stress one curse word at a time. Say it with me, friends. Fuck. Shit. Damn. See? Don't we all feel better?

7) Friends. But only the ones who are funny. If you have a friend who is always down and mopey, don't talk to them while you're unemployed. Or ever. Surround yourself with funny, smart assed, crazy people who will take your mind off your troubles. And if you have friends like my friends you're sure to laugh until you cry. And laughing makes you happy.

8) Ranting. Are you the person who hates complaining about their problems? Get over it. Call up someone and talk their ear off until you're out of breath. Go over every stupid, little and dumb thing that's preventing you from finding a job. Don't censor yourself and savor each hate filled, cynic and anger covered word that falls from your lips. Keeping it all bottled up inside is just going to make you gain weight. Yup. Words are heavy and if you keep them in you'll get fatter. So you'll really be unemployed, angry and fatter. And you won't be able to buy new pants because you have no money.

9) Accept help. This is the hardest thing for me personally. I'm a proud person. I don't even like that I need to be on unemployment let alone accept help from family and friends. No one wants to look like a failure. But think about it. When your friends and family are struggling, do you think they are failures? If you answered yes to that question then you are an asshole. We'd probably get along really well. Still, take help from people. It'll make you feel better because it is one less thing to worry about and it will make them feel better because they can stop fretting and worrying and offering to shove food down your throat every ten minutes, MICHELLE. (I kid. I love you.)

10) Laugh. Laugh at the fact that you've been working for six, ten or twenty years and you're buying ramen like a college kid. Laugh at the fact that you still wake up at 5:30 in the morning when all you're going to do that day is fold towels and watch Maury. Laugh because things suck so much and you've got nothing else to do. Laugh that you have a college degree and you're considering applying at McDonalds, but find out that you're over qualified to make french fries. Laugh when your student loan officer calls and informs you that you need to make a payment for the loan that got you the degree that makes you over qualified to cook the french fries you can't even afford.

Being out of work sucks. It does. I hate it and I know other people hate it too. But it could be worse. No really. It could be loads and loads worse than it is. On the days when you're at you're lowest and feel like you can't keep going just list off all of the things you do have. And if you don't have shit left, well then you're good and fucked so sit back and enjoy the show as the world falls apart. You can always pick up the pieces later.


Post a Comment