Meager Earnings

Inside my desk there is a stack of bills. Medical bills, NIPSCO, Comcast, etc. All horrible pieces of paper demanding money from me. Sometimes demanding money that I don't have. We are so far deep in a hole that it's impossible to see the surface. But there isn't a price for life. (Okay, so it's just under $200K, but still.) When I see my phone light up with another collector wanting their share of money I get so angry.

All we did was help Greg get better. We have insurance. For part of it, we had two different isurance policies. But it is still not enough. And they don't want to accept that I do not make enough money to satisfy all my debts instantly. To them their debt is the single most important of mine.

I get so frustrated sometimes. You hear stories on the news about people living paycheck to paycheck. And I bet some of you wonder why they just don't pay their bills. Why are people living in trailers and driving cars that don't work? Because things happen. And despite how hard you pray or how many hours in a week you work... things happen. People get sick and nearly die. People lose their jobs. Things break. It's part of life.

I have so many friends who cannot possibly understand my situation. They've never suffered from lay offs or illness. They've never fallen behind on car payments. They've never had to live off of Ramen because everything else was too expensive. And it's hard. We're in a much better place now than we were a few years ago, but we're still not good.

I'm embarrased to admit I live in a trailer. I'm ashamed to tell people that I can't get a loan for a new car. It pains me to even write this blog, but I want people to understand something.

Financial problems aren't due to people being too stupid/lazy/selfish. I know I'm none of those things. So as I sit here hoping a praying that my car doesn't cost more than the pitiful amount in my bank account to repair... look at what you have and please be grateful you're not in my situation. Don't take the level of comfort you have for granted. And please, please don't judge the people you see who are struggling.

You Capture - FUN

When you work full time and fill the remaining hours with chores and errands it's not always easy to have fun. In the summer I'm reminded of this constantly when I see other people talk about spending days at the park or being with their family and friends while I'm at my desk.

But sometimes I remember to have fun.

Last Saturday, Greg and I went to Q101's Jamboree. We had lawn seats, watched people and listened to some great music. And while I learned that I'm a) too old and b) too pale to sit in the lawn anymore it was still a good time.

Greg, June 19, 2010, Q101 Jamboree